We know it’s childish, full of double entendres and a bit crude so don’t say we didn’t warn you! These are all printed on the OS maps, and anything offensive you take from theses is from your own interpretation. You can’t blame us if you’ve got a dirty mind!

Balloch Burn – A serious bit of chafage after a Scottish trail run or century ride.

Bottom Flash– Usually a result of drinking too much Guinness.

Black Gutter Bottom – Usually a result of drinking far too much Guinness.


Photo credit: Tiberiu Ana / Foter / CC BY

Bummers Hill – The hill for pessimists.

Cock Flat – Possible side effect of forgetting to wear that cricket box..

Cock Play – This could get messy (they’re hardly house trained now are they)

Cwm Farteg – I’d blame it on the cows.


Fan y Big – Big enough to have its very own contour lines.

Fanny Burn– I’ve heard that Sudocrem is really good for that.

Great Cockup – Ooooer, missus!

Lord Hereford’s Knob – Just to prove that Welsh is a more dignified language. Twmpa anyone?

Manywee – The bogs at Glastonbury.


 Photo credit: Stew Dean / Foter / CC BY

Panty Hill – The lingerie department at TK Max.

Pantyfallen – The elastic must have gone.

Pease Burn – Suggest you ring NHS direct before it gets any worse.

Pisser Clough and Shittern Clough – I blame it on the wild campers (read this).


Photo credit: qcom / Foter / CC BY-SA

Shitterton, with a Piddle Wood nearby. Overheard at the local Tourist Promotion Board, “I suppose we could insist that it’s pronounced with a silent ‘tt’?”

Slutswell – Strive for excellence in everything you do.

Tithill –A surfeit of Jeremy Clarksons.

Ugley – But only in the wrong light.

Wyre Piddle – The act of getting a gullible friend to pee on an electric fence (may result in Balloch Burn).

And finally…

Breasty Haw … [ I think that’s just about enough – Ed] – Oh come on, I had a great one for Peover Eye

Missed any? We probably have. Just add them in the comments – but keep it clean!

Featured Image – Photo credit: japrea / Foter / CC BY-SA

Please rate this

  1. Rhodri 4 years ago

    Reading this reminded me of ST&G’s Map of Great British Rude Place Names:


    • Author
      Dave Roberts 4 years ago

      Love this! Looking for something to decorate a bare grey wall in the office, this might be just the ticket!

Leave a Reply

(c) Mud and Routes 2018

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account